WE'VE LOST THE "EXTRA" IN EXTRACURRICULARS

    

 Is there anything more thrilling than watching your child kill it while playing the sport he or she loves?  You know what I mean … a buzzer-beater in a crucial basketball game, a beautiful long pass with a perfect spiral … one of those loud, resounding hits that win the tiebreaker set in volleyball??   Ain’t nothing like it nowhere, as they say at our favorite BBQ place!  So if you read this, please know that it is written by someone who loves youth sports, raised some varsity and college athletes,  and is fully invested in whatever sports  season it happens to be! I’ve got all the appropriate “Mom of # ___” shirts to prove it.  Earrings too.

                But we parents have let the thrill of competition cloud our good judgment when it comes to making important decisions in the lives of our kids.  It is crucial for us parents to help our kids keep the right focus, the right perspective…

                 Sports are EXTRAcurricular, that means “in addition to.”  They are the add-ons to our children’s educations, not the driving force, not the reason for its existence.  There has to be something more in our kids’ lives than the sports they love.  It is up to us to make sure that our children are well-rounded and well-grounded.   We all agree with that in theory, but then we don’t parent that way.  Consider some real-life scenarios I’ve encountered in my 25 years as a parent:

·         Choosing a school based primarily on the sports program.

When choosing middle schools or high schools, we should focus on where our children can receive the very best Catholic education, and if they also have an amazing sports program, then great!  If they don’t, then your kid can be a true asset to that program and learn how to be a leader, even when it’s tough-going.  How sad to forfeit four years of daily theology, opportunities for retreats, Mass, Adoration, and Confession for the sake of carrying the ball for a few years.  What is going to benefit them more in the long-term?  Missing out on a Catholic high school education handicaps your child with a grade-school understanding of his or her faith, and in this crazy world, that’s simply not enough.

·         Selecting easier classes than recommended.

Same goes with selecting a course of study for our high-schoolers.  I hear all the time from parents who have purposely chosen an easier academic schedule than recommended so that their children “will have more time for X sport, and then won’t be too tired.”  I want to scream.  First of all, my own parents always preached that tired teenagers are a good thing!  It keeps them out of trouble.  If they come home exhausted, gut through some homework, then fall in to bed, then praise the Lord!  The alternative of watching TikToks all night or texting until dawn is no good for anyone. (And this IS what happens – take a peek in your child’s room at 2 am and see.)  Fast forward to junior year and these same parents are dismayed that ACT scores are so low and they are out of range for some of the most basic financial aid or scholarships.  What do you expect to happen if you allow your kids an easier path and they have never had to grapple with hard readings or complicated math problems?  Of course the scores are lower.  Then parents spend big bucks on ACT prep classes, which can help certainly, but they cannot replace three years of challenging course work.  We’ve all gone a little crazy, haven’t we?  And that’s not even considering what happens in college if they haven’t developed good study habits because they coasted through high school.

·         Not developing other gifts and talents.

Parents, please hear me:  Their lives have to be more than just their sport. They need friends from all different groups and especially their parish youth group.  They need encouragement to develop other interests, gifts,  and talents.  Let’s be realistic:  they are only one injury away from having to sit out, and then what happens?  My own son Peter, a pretty good middle school quarterback, was in the running to be freshman quarterback when he started high school.  He practiced all summer long through grueling heat, through early morning workouts, truly shedding his blood, sweat, and tears - and the week before the very first game, when it was finally going to get fun, he suffered a severe hamstring injury.  He hobbled around in pain and was out for 6 weeks, which made him miss most of the season and lose his starting spot.  That can be devastating for a young man, and without his team he could have felt very isolated and depressed.  (Tom has witnessed this struggle multiple times in his injured high school students.) Thank the Lord Peter had friends in his youth group that he could still hang with, plus his Physics team and those intense competitions.  He didn’t feel as if his life was over at the old age of 14.

Same with my volleyball player, Emma.  A few days before the area tournament, she rolled her ankle rather severely.  (I honestly had never seen a foot swell up that much – it was horrifying.)  She was out for a month and didn’t make it into the state final championship game.  Of course she was extremely disappointed but her life didn’t end.

Developing other interests doesn’t just happen.  We parents have to urge that along, usually starting in elementary grades.  Does your child have a good voice and enjoy singing?  Insist that they join a choir when they’re young, and that gift will be with them their whole life.  Our high school director loves to have football players in her choir, and she makes it work with their schedules somehow.  Are they artistic?  Good at acting?  Get them in the theater.

When they’re old enough for their parish youth group, insist that they go.  Don’t even make it a question.  (For teens you must understand Newton’s First Law of Motion:  an object at rest will stay at rest until an external force is enacted upon it.  In other words, on their own, kids are staying put and not going to try anything new!  WE have to be that “external force” and get them there.)  A good parish youth minister can change a teen’s life - my older kids still stay in touch with theirs – so do whatever is necessary to develop that relationship.

·    Making Sports the Center of our Family Life.

    We parents every once in a while need to stop and evaluate our family dynamics.  How much time, energy, effort, and money is going toward our children’s sports, and are we devoting equal passion and time to their education and their faith life?  Are we making sure we are attending Mass every Sunday (even during travel ball!)?  Listen, a coach’s job is to win, and they are under pressure to do so, and I totally get it.  But sometimes we parents have acquiesced too much, especially in the younger years.    

     Some of our own children have been involved in some kind of club/travel team for 15 years now, and we have never, not once, had to miss Sunday Mass – or a weekend game!  Sometimes they’ve missed a team meal on Saturday night so that we could attend a vigil Mass, and sometimes they may be late to early morning  warm-ups, but if you are creative and make it a priority, it can be done!  Tom usually tells the coach right after the team has been selected that we will be taking our player to Mass on Sunday, and we will do our best not to miss a game, but Mass is the priority.  Fifteen years of coaches have been great about it.  Our kids fondly remember visiting all kinds of churches all over the country , and so far, each one of our young adults out on their own has made Sunday Mass a priority in their lives now too. (Thank you, Jesus.)

When Emma was on her first club volleyball team at age 12, we learned that most clubs attend a huge tournament every year over Easter weekend, including Holy Thursday and Good Friday.  That was not OK with us, and we thought, wow if she does this throughout high school, that means she cannot attend Triduum services again until she is 19!  That was definitely not OK with us!  Then there was the family element too – were we really going to leave my mom every Easter for the next 6 years?  So once again, we tried to clearly communicate to the coaches before the season started that we were not available Easter weekend, so we understand if you need to reduce her playing time or whatever. We’ve done that every year since.   I don’t think the coaches are exactly thrilled - Clubs are under great pressure to attend these big, recruiting tourneys - but they respect it and are glad we clearly communicate about it in the very beginning.

When the kids reach varsity, of course there needs to be more focus and commitment.  Sacrifices must be made! There will be things that elite athletes must forgo because their teammates are counting on them.  But I don’t believe when a child is 11 or 12 he or she is ready to specialize in just one thing.  They need to have freedom to explore.  They shouldn’t have to drop dance or choir or piano just because they also play a middle school sport!  This takes lots of clear communication with the coaches, but sometimes parents need to be brave and step up.  I am NOT saying that we don’t send Johnny to practice because he’s hot and tired and doesn’t want to go! (Or we parents really wanna drive up to the weekend college football game!)   Whether it is marching band practice or football practice, sometimes it is simply hard work and not fun.  That’s the blessing of extra-curriculars – the children can learn discipline and commitment and the importance of doing the right thing, no matter how you feel at the moment.  But there are times when we may need to insist that our kids attend an important alternate activity … perhaps a Confirmation retreat, or a summer Lifeteen camp experience, or a mission trip.  These events can be life-changing and should be encouraged.  In 10 years they may or may not remember the game or workout  that they missed, but they WILL remember encountering Christ in a real way when they were 12.

And that’s all for now, my friends.  I have to pick up my youngest at middle school volleyball practice! 

DEVASTATING NEWS FOR THIS TEACHER, updated

John Paul with his classmates on a recent 8th retreat trip to Camp Hidden Lakes, GA. Another amazing opportunity he received through our Catholic school...

Each year I grow more and more grateful for the gift of Catholic education in my own life and in the lives of my five children.  As we celebrate Catholic Schools Week I was reminded of an old blog post that I wrote -- for myself actually; it was cathartic to put my thoughts down in writing.  My big brother outed me, so here it is again; this time with an addendum since John Paul is now in high school, three years later ….

It’s that time of the year when some of my students tell me they’re not returning to our Catholic school.  I always give them a hug and tell them I’ll miss them.  But interiorly, I’m devastated.  As someone who has spent a lifetime in a Catholic school classroom - either sitting in a desk or standing behind a podium  -  it makes me deeply, deeply sad.  And quite frankly - mystified.  I know that no school of any kind is perfect:   principals and teachers have good days and bad … some teachers are excellent and some ho-hum … I homeschooled for 15 years and I can assure you that was not perfect either!!!   But I cannot think of what benefit could outweigh the myriad blessings that come from a Catholic education.  I’ve personally witnessed this is in my own life, in the lives of my 5 children, and in the lives of my students.   I honestly don’t think parents have a true understanding of what their kids will be missing. 

There are plenty of scholarly articles out there with stats on and figures on the excellence of Catholic education (superior test scores, graduates that are civically involved, etc).  I encourage everyone to do their research and read them.   But here in this space I would simply like to focus on the effects on my own John Paul, about to start 8^th grade.  His education (and especially his faith life) would be so lacking without the experiences he has gained in our Catholic school.  Here’s just a small sampling of what he would have missed:

·         Opportunities to assist at Mass.  Weekly school Masses bring innumerable opportunities for kids to lector, bring up the gifts, usher, and especially to serve at the altar.  John Paul and his peers are often asked to serve at funerals during the week, which is a wonderful way to live out the Works of Mercy to “Bury the dead” and “Pray for the living and the dead.”  It also reminds them of their own mortality – never a bad thing for a teenager!

·         Immersion in a life of prayer.  The Catholic school day revolves around prayer and the sacraments.  John Paul would have missed out on quarterly confessions, weekly Adoration, weekly Mass, class rosaries, Stations of the Cross, May Crownings, and more.  Since prayers are frequently recited, they are learned effortlessly.  In our school, for example, we pray the same morning prayer for a month, so by the end of the month the entire school (even the littlest ones) can recite beautiful prayers like St. Ignatius’ Prayer for Generosity, the Suscipe, the  Anima Christi, St. Francis’ Prayer for Peace, St. Patrick’s Breastplate, the Act of Faith, The Morning Offering, and on and on.  We didn’t come close to memorizing that many prayers as homeschoolers.  These prayers will stay with my kids their whole lives.

·         Participation in Middle School Prayer Groups.  John Paul has been part of the Young Men of St. Joseph that meets before school for breakfast and to read and discuss the upcoming Sunday Gospel.  (The girls have their own equivalent group.)  He also joined Lifesavers, a middle school peer-led pro-life group that meets at 6:30 am at Planned Parenthood on Fridays during the Forty Days for Life campaign.   They pray the Rosary and listen to a speaker on some important life issue.  These unique experiences have helped his faith mature.

Add uniforms to the list of Catholic school benefits!

·         Reliance on God in Times of Crisis.  In a Catholic school, we come together in times of crisis, and this is engrained in students their entire lives, whether they fall away or remain faithful.  Whenever there is a tragedy like the attack on 9-11 or a sudden death, we stop everything and go to Mass or pray the Rosary as a school.  What a powerful life lesson!  Recently, we had a tragic death of a young college student who had gone to our grade school.  Who showed up front and center at the funeral and Rosary but her many Catholic grade school friends, some of whom may not have kept in touch over the years.  There was something about their Catholic school formation that drew them there.

·         Friendship with Clergy.  With so many bad examples currently blasted all over the media, I am grateful that John Paul is on a first-name basis with holy, excellent priests and religious.  We are blessed to have 5 seminarians from our parish - graduates of our grade school.  On breaks they always come by to hang out:  they eat lunch with us, play basketball games at PE, speak during religion classes, assist at school Masses.  Seminary life seems normal – and actually pretty cool -  to our middle schoolers as a result.  John Paul would have missed out on all this if not enrolled in our school.

·         Instruction in our Catholic Faith.  Of course religion classes are crucial.  John Paul was in a good CCD program when younger, but there is absolutely no comparison to what he’s learned in the Catholic school classroom.  We are fooling ourselves if we think CCD is a worthy substitute – and I say that as a former CCD teacher myself!  Just consider that the best CCD classes out there may meet 36 times, for roughly 36 hours of instruction per year (That’s 4 times a month for 9 months).  Compare that to 180 hours of direct religious instruction for the Catholic school kid, not counting all the other instruction received throughout the school day mentioned above.  It’s no wonder that only 5% of kids who don’t go to Catholic school will attend Sunday Mass as adults.  They have no idea of what they’re missing because they haven’t been sufficiently taught! 

My husband urges parents to substitute any other subject for religion, and ask if they’d be satisfied with the CCD model of instruction:  “I agree that Algebra I is important, but I think one hour a week is sufficient, with a volunteer teacher who may or may not be trained in the subject.  We’ll talk about it some at home too.”  Of course that would be absurd, and to think it’s not also absurd for religious instruction means that we don’t yet fully grasp the depths and riches of our Catholic faith.

But what about when I homeschooled John Paul?  It was a great joy to instruct him in the faith everyday – we used to sit on my bed and read and discuss chapters in his religion text, plus read lots of saint stories and do fun projects designed to help us live out the liturgical year.  I loved every second – and he loved it too.  But there comes a time, right around middle school, where my boys especially needed to hear from other role models, besides my husband or me.  I could literally feel them tuning Mom out.  But suddenly, their amazing religion teacher says the very same thing and it takes on a whole new life.  I’ve focused primarily on grade school here, but this crossroads in faith instruction was magnified a hundred-fold once my kids reached Catholic high school.  The Theology teachers and our campus ministers’ influence on my 3 older kids’ faith has been transformative; the retreats they sponsored, life-changing.  When my oldest son delivered his valedictory address he thanked exactly three people:  one was his physics teacher, a great Catholic man whose guidance set my son on his current career path, and the other two were our campus minister and priest chaplain.  What a void would exist in his life if he hadn’t benefited from their presence and guidance day in and day out, over four years, not just once a week for an hour or two at night for youth group.    

Some of my dear friends opting for private or public schools have told me, “Well I went there and I turned out all right!”  Seriously, y’all, that was in a different era.  It is simply not the same.  My Mom tells of her excellent public school education in the 1950s in Auburn, AL.  But all her teachers and principals shared a basic belief in God and similar world-view.  The virtues were taught and insisted upon.  Today what is true is taught as bigotry; the curricula are antagonistic toward any type of faith -  or even the very idea of objective truth.  My pastor preached one Sunday that it’s like we’ve all fallen through Alice in Wonderland’s rabbit hole, and the world is upside down.  (And for the record, my Mom and Dad sent us all to Catholic schools because they knew this to be true 30 years ago – and it’s even more true today!)

It is incredibly difficult to emerge from that nihilistic world-view unscathed, and if this were a more scholarly treatise, I would argue that any education resulting from that faulty understanding of man and creation is seriously, deeply flawed.  Now more than ever we need our kids in Catholic schools --  not to shield them from the world but to arm them with the Truth.

Addendum for 2022:

Well if I wasn't convinced of the value of Catholic education before Covid Craziness, I sure am now.  Miracles were surely worked to keep our schools open and our kids learning.  But that's not even what I want to write about.  I just feel so strongly about the need for strong, daily catechesis in our Catholic faith.  If the world was upside down 3 years ago when I first wrote this, it has since done about 3 somersaults!  I think we all worry for the future of our children and instinctively sense that we need to do more.  To grade school parents, please hear me:  if you pull your kids out of Catholic schools before high school, you're handicapping their faith formation for the rest of their lives!  They are leaving with just a middle school understanding of their faith, and that is simply not enough to combat what they are about to face.  (I can say this with surety because I teach middle school religion!)  Catholic author Flannery O'Connor wrote that we have to push as hard against the culture as it pushes on us.  It's a tidal wave, y'all!  Please keep them in Catholic schools so that they don't drown in the confusion of the world.

 

Addendum #2 for 2022: My own kids are proof of the academic excellence of our Catholic schools:  thanks to their intense instruction and formation I have had two at Notre Dame and one at Franciscan, attending there for next to nothing.  (Thank you, McGill-Toolen Catholic High School!)  All three say they felt very well- prepared.

Local friends:  please feel free to message me if you'd like to chat more about the 4 amazing Catholic schools my children currently attend.

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH???

John Paul & Elizabeth Ann just quite can't wake up this lazy Saturday morning!

Fall can be exhausting for Moms and Dads.  There are football games and volleyball tournaments, choir practices and band rehearsals.  Add in a little homework with carpooling on the side, and it’s quite the full life.  Often before bed, Tom and I look at each other and say, “OK, what’s happening tomorrow?” as we carefully plan out who’s driving whom to what corner of Mobile.  Our family calendar on the wall is so complex that it almost requires an advanced degree in mechanical engineering to make it all work!  Truth be told, we love it all.  It is a great joy to see the kids do well in activities they love.  Someone asked me the other day at John Paul's football practice, "Tired of this yet?"  and I honestly answered to her surprise,  "No way, man!  Can't wait for the first game!" 

BUT, moderation in all things.  Our kids would love to enroll in everything, and as their mom, I'd love for them to try.  So at the start of every school year we ask ourselves, “Have we taken on too much? Are our kids involved in too many activities?  Should we cut out something?”  As we discern these questions yet once again, we’d like to share with you some of the guidelines we consider in our household…

Are the children thriving?

First we look at each child and discuss how he or she is doing.   Are they happy?  Are their attitudes positive and cheerful?   Are they juggling their activities successfully and keeping up with school work?  Do they have healthy friendships that build them up?  If the answers are yes, these are all good signs.  Can they play independently, or do they look to you for constant entertainment?  Are they exhausted?  Do they mope around the house?  Are they so busy that they can’t keep up with regular chores and homework?  These could be warning signs.

Do the kids have enough free time?

For the younger set:  when’s the last time your children came home good and dirty, covered from head to toe?  Kids need time to be kids.  They should have some unstructured time to allow their imaginations and independence to flourish.  Hyper-scheduling so they are on the go from one activity to the next turns childhood into a job and risks burning them out on the activities they once loved.  It may also pigeonhole them too early in certain skills.  Free time allows them to discover a wider array of interests and talents they may not have known they had.  Make sure their extracurriculars aren’t preventing them from running around the neighborhood with friends, digging in the dirt, reading their favorite new series, or shooting baskets in the driveway.

Are the children able to spend time with the rest of the family?

Don’t let activities be so all-consuming that you have no family togetherness at home.   Sure, sometimes we tell ourselves that time spent at Bobby’s soccer games IS family time since we are all there together, but let’s be realistic:  Bobby is playing soccer, Mom and Dad are chatting with friends on the sideline, and little Susie and Timmy have run off to the playground because the game doesn’t hold their attention.  That alone is not sufficient family time; family time means Interacting,  doing something together,  like sharing a meal and conversation or playing a game.  We all know how crucial dinnertime is – make sure the activities don’t prevent your family from ever sitting down to eat together.  Of course some days are extra crazy, and there may be special events that prevent a sedate family meal, but the norm should be dinner together, even if it means eating earlier or later to accommodate schedules.  (Dinner at 7:30 or later is pretty common in our household during football season.)

Are you and your spouse able to spend time together?

Don’t forget about your own marriage in the midst of all the madness!  There have been days where Caroline comes screeching up to a choir concert with a ballerina in tow, while Tom zooms in with the other car, loaded with a quarterback and a sleepy four-year-old … we look at each other and say, “Oh hello!  Nice to see you!”  We know too much is happening when we can never attend an event in one car!  Make a conscious effort to carve out special time with your spouse, even if it’s just snuggling on the couch with coffee and your favorite TV show.    If this is impossible, something must change in your schedules.   It is OK to say no.  Our kids do not have to play every sport, audition for every play, join every club, attend every party. 

Remember:  Just because an activity is a great opportunity for your child doesn’t mean you have to sign him or her up -- great opportunities will certainly come along again. 

SO WE'RE HEADED FOR DISNEY ... IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO STAY WITHIN OUR BUDGET?? (part 2)

In case you missed the last post, the answer is YES!

We just returned from a happy (though scorching & wet) trip to our favorite vacation spot, after being away for five years.   Thought I'd post some thoughts on traveling to Disney with a big family ... if nothing else, it will help me remember for next time.   Upcoming posts:  What You Absolutely, Positively Must Pack.
Keep tuning in! 
 

For all Disneyphile big families out there, here are our last three ways to enjoy the Disney magic without depleting your bank account:

#3.   Recycle your Disney gear from trip to trip.  We have a large plastic container that holds all of our Disney fun stuff.  After each trip, it all goes back in.  We're talkin' shirts, lanyards, beltbags, backpacks, hats, and especially mouse ears.  I know what you're all thinking.  In the Disney afterglow you're thinking how much fun it would be if you leave it all out to enjoy.  Don't do it.  You know what will surely happen:  mouse ears get squashed, pin backs fall out, lanyards slip behind shelves, and shirts fall into the abyss of the laundry room never to reappear.  If you pack it all up right away, you will save money in the long run.  A few weeks before our trip, we pull out the Disney box. We're all excited to see our collection, and it adds to the trip anticipation.  The Disney box is the only way we still have discontinued Jack Sparrow (that's Captain Jack Sparrow) pirate mouse ears from 2007 (left).  And of course, we hit the parks armed with great stuff to begin with, so splurging is less of a temptation.

#2.  BYOPonchos.  This is not an original idea, but it's a crucial one that I must mention, because so many families forget!  How do I know?  Check out the sea of Mickey raingear that emerged during this downpour, and then remember that Disney charges $9 a pop for 'em.

If you are headed to Orlando in the spring or summer, it WILL rain.  You must be prepared to slosh through afternoon thundershowers.  Go to the Dollar Store and load up on cheap ponchos - they'll fit easily into your backpacks and you can toss them after the trip.  Don't bother with your own raincoats or umbrellas from your closet; they're too bulky for your backpacks and you'll regret it.  If you have big boys in your family -- Dads, teenage sons, Grandpas -- buy everyone at least 2.  (After an afternoon of Florida rain and heat, let's just say ... they don't smell "magical" anymore.)  If you get desperate at the end of a long, extra-rainy trip like we just did, you can try this:  I doused all of them in soapy bathwater after EA got out of the tub, then let them drip-dry overnight in the shower.  It did the trick, and I didn't have to throw away $63 for 7 Mickey ponchos.  (We'd rather use that $$ on Dole pineapple floats!!)

#1.  Before buying anything, ask yourself, "Will I actually use this/wear this when I return home to the real world?"  Let's face it:  the same Grumpy shirt that is perfectly acceptable in the Magic Kingdom would be ridiculous at home at say, a football game in the stands.  Will you walk around town with that bright pink Minnie backpack??  Just say no. (The traditional monogrammed mouse ears are the exception of course.)

This time around, we all thought the new illuminated Mickey ears were amazingly cool.  "Glow with the Show" ears change color in sync with the nighttime Disney shows and fireworks, and we McDonalds do LOVE the shows!  But $25 each?  For ears to wear only at night?  When we already had ears for all the kids?  We said no, don't regret it, and saved nearly $200.   
 



 Want more "So You're Headed for Disney ..." posts?  See Why Bother with Matching Shirts? and Is It Even Possible to Stay within our Budget, part 1.

SO WE'RE HEADED FOR DISNEY ... IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO STAY WITHIN OUR BUDGET?? (part 1)

Yes!

We just returned from a happy (though scorching & wet) trip to our favorite vacation spot, after being away for five years.   Thought I'd post some thoughts on traveling to Disney with a big family ... if nothing else, it will help me remember for next time.   Upcoming:  What You Absolutely, Positively Must Pack.

Keep tuning in!

Let's face it:  going to Disney is really, really, expensive.  Some folks say it's as pricey as flying your family to Europe.  (I suppose if you're staying in a deluxe Disney resort, it certainly could be.  But we are All-Star resort folks, sooo ... not exactly European pricing.)  Once you save up for your Disney package and click Purchase, how can you remain calm, resist the Disney magic urge to spend, spend, spend, and not leave Orlando bankrupt?  If you've ever entered the World, you'll know what I mean.  Something mysterious happens, and you develop overwhelmingly intense desires to buy Mickey Mouse flip-flops, pajamas, and underwear. Cool dudes with tattoos walk around with light-up mouse ears.  Grandpa wears a Grumpy T-shirt.  Grandma dons a hot pink princess hat.  The $40 Frozen dolls that your 4-year-old falls in love with suddenly seem perfectly reasonable.  And shouldn't every family have a 5 foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse?

And now spending money is even easier with the introduction of Magic Bands, which serve as your room key, park ticket, fast pass, and yes, even your credit card.  Just wave your arm in any store and whatever you want is yours.  (I actually love the ease of the Magic Bands, but with no actual money ever switching hands, it could be very dangerous.  Just sayin.')  So for any Disneyphile families out there, here are our top 5 ways to enjoy the Disney magic without depleting your bank account:

#5.  BYOH2O.  Before your trip, throw a case of water bottles in your trunk or have some delivered to your room  (see Garden Grocer).  I promise that after one hour in the Florida sun you will tempted to pay any amount for something icy to drink.  Ten bucks for a souvenir cup of LeFou's Brew?  Give me 5!  I guarantee you'll be that desperate.  So if you have cold water in your back pack all ready to go, you will save buckets of money.  For those on the dining plan (we always are), don't waste your snack credits on drinks;  get your coke fix with your meals instead since they're included.  Most Disney rooms have small fridges now; as soon as you arrive turn your fridge down to its coldest setting, and throw in your water.  If driving, better yet, you can freeze them ahead of time for a head start.  The other thing you must bring is a bottle or two of Mio drops.  (Walmart has an off-brand that's cheaper.) By hour two your water bottles will be empty .  I can't explain why, but most water fountains in the park aren't very cold, and the Florida water has a weird taste.  Surely Disney would not allow that intentionally to make us want to buy more drinks, right???  The Mio helps - a little.  (Christopher reports that the water fountains near Space Mountain are cooler and tastier than most.)  And, while you're waiting for your table service reservation outside, many restaurants have cold water dispensers sitting out, and that's a great time and place to refill your family's bottles with decent water.  We saw this at Crystal Palace in the Magic Kingdom, and at Hollywood & Vine at Disney Studios.  OK - for thirsty folks, here's my best secret - it only took us five trips to discover this... at the Backlot Express in Disney Studios, they have a fill-your-own-drink station!!!!! That means free refills at a Disney Park!!!!  The food there was just OK, but they did have adorable Frozen cupcakes (see left). So buy your drinks and maybe a few cupcakes to share, and bask in air-conditioned, Diet Coke Heaven.

P.S.  We actually loved LeFou's Brew (see below).  Think Apple Icee topped with mango foam!  Buy 1 or 2 in the NON-souvenir cups for half the price, and let everyone take a swig just for fun.  Keep a lookout for Gaston while you swig; he often appears near Gaston's Tavern, and he is quite hilarious.

#4.  Buy your souvenirs before your trip.  And then hide them.  Every ride exits into a super-fun store, where there is wall-to-wall temptation to wave that Magic Band and blow your budget.  And it IS fun to bring home new souvenirs and toys from your vacation.  So if you buy a few things ahead of time, you can resist!  A few months before your trip, pay attention to your little one's favorite characters (Elizabeth Ann is nuts for Sophia the First) and start perusing the sales.  Walmart has toy clearance aisle that routinely has Disney stuff.  Much cheaper to buy a Princess Barbie at Target than in the Parks. The Dollar Store also has plenty of Disney crayons and coloring books.  Before you leave your hotel room each morning, you can pull out something fun while little ones aren't looking, and then when you return, it's as if Mickey delivered them!  More Disney Magic.

What's the ONE souvenir to splurge on in the Parks?  Mouse ears, of course!

On the Disney bus, sporting her new mouse ears.  Princess ones, of course!

You can get a monogrammed set of ears for $20 or less, which is bearable.  Since these are items that are only available in the Disney Parks, we think it's worth it.  The kids save theirs and re-wear them in years to come.  Peter and Christopher have Jack Sparrow pirate mouse ears from when they were younger that are no longer made.  The folks in Disneyland Paris went nuts over them.

Kids goofing around in 2009 with the now-coveted pirate ears.

That's enough for now.  Tune in next time to discover our final three ways to ward off budget-busting.

Want more "So You're Headed for Disney ..." posts?  See "Why Bother with Matching Shirts?"

SO WE'RE HEADED FOR DISNEY ... DO I REALLY NEED TO BOTHER WITH MATCHING SHIRTS? (part 2)

In case you missed the last post, the answer is YES!

We just returned from a happy (though scorching & wet) trip to our favorite vacation spot, after being away for five years.   Thought I'd post some thoughts on traveling to Disney with a big family ... if nothing else, it will help me remember for next time.   Upcoming posts:  How to Stay on Budget when you visit the World & What You Absolutely, Positively Must Pack.
Keep tuning in!

There is only one place where my husband will willingly run or wear matching clothes, and that is Disney World.  We've traveled with and without coordinating shirts, and even he agrees that they're extremely helpful (but I say it's just fun and they're so dang cute!)

In our last post you can read about Mickey and Minnie tie dye shirts that you see above ... this time I want to show you my new favorite thing:  Heat-n-Bond Ultra Hold.

I don't really sew and I don't own a sewing machine, but I aspire to be one of those crafty moms who can make adorable things.  So if I'm speaking your language, you've got to run out and buy some sheets of Heat Bond.  If you can iron, you can make an amazingly cute shirt, backpack, whatever.

Here was my first attempt.  I was just experimenting ... and after a day in Epcot and 3 washings, it has held up! Some DIY websites recommend stitching around the edges after ironing on the material, but since I don't sew, I didn't.  (The directions on the Ultra Hold package say don't sew, so I obeyed!)  This took me all of 5 minutes, from start to finish.  My kind of craft project.

This worked so well that it inspired me to keep going.  I had a plain white dress for Elizabeth Ann that I had been saving to monogram, but never did.  So I added yellow pom pom balls on the bottom, and another Mickey with her initial:

 I made coordinating shirts for Emma and me, and of course stitched on a little bow to make it more Minnie.  (I CAN at least use a needle and thread.)  Here is the design up close.  We were stopped by so many people asking about them:

And here is one last view of the dress:

OK, so how can you get started?  After you've got your Heat Bond (found it super cheap at Walmart), find some fabric you can get excited about.  I didn't like Walmart's selections, so I went to Joanne's and found a cute set of coordinating fabrics. I love, love, love these patterns.  It was only $10 for the whole set, and it was way more than enough for all our projects.  I still have a ton left:

Find some Mickey templates and cut them out.  There are a million out there on line.  I printed out several sizes because I have kids of all ages and sizes.  I just held them up to the shirts to see which one fit the best.

If you also want to add an initial, just print out a letter in your favorite font in your word processing program.  Again, experiment with a few different fonts and sizes.  I finally settled on "Curlz," the one on the right.  Cut out the letter to make a template, just like you did for the Mickey head.

And now you're ready to iron.  Read the directions carefully on the Heat Bond package; I did, and it was very clear what to do.  I'll just add a few reminders.  First, turn on your iron to get nice and hot, but turn off the steam.  Remember that each shape you add takes two steps.  First you iron on the backing, that turns your shape into a kind of iron-on patch, then you iron your "patch" on to the shirt.

So get the material ready.  If it's wrinkled, iron it a little.  Then flip the material over to the wrong side.  Iron on the Heat Bond.  Just takes about 8 seconds.  Let it sit for a few minutes to cool off.

Now you're ready to use your templates to make your Mickey head and letters.  Trace them on the Heat Bond.  If you're using a letter, be sure to turn it around backwards.  As you can tell, I'm a very messy tracer.  But that's OK; it's the cutting that's important.

Use your sharpest scissors to cut them out.  You want nice smooth edges.  Here are my 2 finished patches, ready to be ironed on.  (The tiny Mickey head is for Elizabeth Ann's Bitty Baby. I know, I know.  The kids say I'm this close to being one of those crazy Disney moms!)

You're almost done!  Peel off the backing (the white Heat Bond paper), carefully position on your shirt, and iron one last time.  So simple!

So I had so much fun with the shirts, I had to keep going.  Here is a backpack we made for Emma.  Came from the Dollar Store.  (Be careful when ironing, bc the backpack material tends to melt if too hot.)

With Dug and Russell from Up in the Animal Kingdom.  These guys were awesome (and the movie is awesome too.)

Here's the backpack close up:

One last picture.  Here is Elizabeth Ann's outfit for the Animal Kingdom.  Skort came from Walmart (again!) for only $5.  (Worked great for Chick Fil A's Cow Day, too.)  I can't take credit for the design of the shirt - saw it somewhere on line and I can't find it again - but whoever's idea it was, thank you!  So cute!

Now these are admittedly girly heat bond designs; if I were doing this for my boys I would do plain Mickey heads ... something like this:

This Mom used felt and spray adhesive.  Don't know how it holds up after a rainy, sweaty day in the parks, but it's sure cute.

Happy Ironing!