HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH???

John Paul & Elizabeth Ann just quite can't wake up this lazy Saturday morning!

Fall can be exhausting for Moms and Dads.  There are football games and volleyball tournaments, choir practices and band rehearsals.  Add in a little homework with carpooling on the side, and it’s quite the full life.  Often before bed, Tom and I look at each other and say, “OK, what’s happening tomorrow?” as we carefully plan out who’s driving whom to what corner of Mobile.  Our family calendar on the wall is so complex that it almost requires an advanced degree in mechanical engineering to make it all work!  Truth be told, we love it all.  It is a great joy to see the kids do well in activities they love.  Someone asked me the other day at John Paul's football practice, "Tired of this yet?"  and I honestly answered to her surprise,  "No way, man!  Can't wait for the first game!" 

BUT, moderation in all things.  Our kids would love to enroll in everything, and as their mom, I'd love for them to try.  So at the start of every school year we ask ourselves, “Have we taken on too much? Are our kids involved in too many activities?  Should we cut out something?”  As we discern these questions yet once again, we’d like to share with you some of the guidelines we consider in our household…

Are the children thriving?

First we look at each child and discuss how he or she is doing.   Are they happy?  Are their attitudes positive and cheerful?   Are they juggling their activities successfully and keeping up with school work?  Do they have healthy friendships that build them up?  If the answers are yes, these are all good signs.  Can they play independently, or do they look to you for constant entertainment?  Are they exhausted?  Do they mope around the house?  Are they so busy that they can’t keep up with regular chores and homework?  These could be warning signs.

Do the kids have enough free time?

For the younger set:  when’s the last time your children came home good and dirty, covered from head to toe?  Kids need time to be kids.  They should have some unstructured time to allow their imaginations and independence to flourish.  Hyper-scheduling so they are on the go from one activity to the next turns childhood into a job and risks burning them out on the activities they once loved.  It may also pigeonhole them too early in certain skills.  Free time allows them to discover a wider array of interests and talents they may not have known they had.  Make sure their extracurriculars aren’t preventing them from running around the neighborhood with friends, digging in the dirt, reading their favorite new series, or shooting baskets in the driveway.

Are the children able to spend time with the rest of the family?

Don’t let activities be so all-consuming that you have no family togetherness at home.   Sure, sometimes we tell ourselves that time spent at Bobby’s soccer games IS family time since we are all there together, but let’s be realistic:  Bobby is playing soccer, Mom and Dad are chatting with friends on the sideline, and little Susie and Timmy have run off to the playground because the game doesn’t hold their attention.  That alone is not sufficient family time; family time means Interacting,  doing something together,  like sharing a meal and conversation or playing a game.  We all know how crucial dinnertime is – make sure the activities don’t prevent your family from ever sitting down to eat together.  Of course some days are extra crazy, and there may be special events that prevent a sedate family meal, but the norm should be dinner together, even if it means eating earlier or later to accommodate schedules.  (Dinner at 7:30 or later is pretty common in our household during football season.)

Are you and your spouse able to spend time together?

Don’t forget about your own marriage in the midst of all the madness!  There have been days where Caroline comes screeching up to a choir concert with a ballerina in tow, while Tom zooms in with the other car, loaded with a quarterback and a sleepy four-year-old … we look at each other and say, “Oh hello!  Nice to see you!”  We know too much is happening when we can never attend an event in one car!  Make a conscious effort to carve out special time with your spouse, even if it’s just snuggling on the couch with coffee and your favorite TV show.    If this is impossible, something must change in your schedules.   It is OK to say no.  Our kids do not have to play every sport, audition for every play, join every club, attend every party. 

Remember:  Just because an activity is a great opportunity for your child doesn’t mean you have to sign him or her up -- great opportunities will certainly come along again.