IN PRAISE OF VIDEO GAMES

I like having a video game system in our  home.

There.  I said it.  (And Tom wants you to know that this is really NOT him, writing under my name!)   Like you, I've read all the stuff about the dangers of gaming:  fat, depressed kids with no social skills.  Or worse, creepy future Unibombers like Sid.  See what happened to him below.

And believe me, I resisted the craze for a long time on two fronts - kids and husband.  I finally relented one Christmas about five years ago and agreed to a Wii, long after they were the latest, greatest thing.  I gave in because I really liked the whole movement angle and could see that the kids wouldn't necessarily turn into video zombies.

And I discovered they're pretty dang cool.  Not that I play them myself.  I got on that Wii Fit board and saw my Wii Fit age and BMI, and that was that.

But I loved the fact that the kids made a Mii of me, and that I showed up in games and races without actually having to do anything.  "Hey Mom, you're ref-ing our game, " they called out.  I could be a part of it all while making dinner.  Or even better, while reading my Kindle.  So that warmed me up to this whole phenomena, and now of course we own a PS3 with all the trimmings.  (Y'all, having NetFlix streaming on that thing is amazing ... all the Downton Abbey you want, all the time.)

Some interesting things have happened along the way that I wasn't expecting.  First, it breaks down age barriers.  When you've got a high schooler all the way down to a first grader and  a two-year-old, family games can be a challenge.  Our older kids love playing word games like Scrabble and Bananagrams, but that leaves the little ones out.  And I agree with my older kids:  you can only play Candy Land or Chutes & Ladders so many times before you want to beat your head against  a wall.  But suddenly, with Mario Kart, everyone can play and really compete.  John Paul could actually beat Peter, for real, an "any given Sunday" kind of thing.  (The two-year-old just holds a controller and is usually happy.)  I've seen Christopher (14) and John Paul (7) bond in a whole new way over Skylanders.  And I can't speak for every father around, but the dad in this house enjoys the Play Station as much as any child living here.  He's not exactly into playing Barbies or American Girls, but he gladly sits down to play Little Big Planet with Emma.

Our neighborhood is educationally diverse -- by that I mean we have kids from public schools, our Catholic parish school, an elite private school, and then there are the crazy homeschoolers - that's us.  But none of that means anything in our family room in front of the Play Station ... fire up Lego Pirates of the Caribbean, and they're good to go.  We also have some major athletes on our cul-de-sac, so there are plenty of intense basketball games outside.  The non-sports folks tend to hang back, and I can't blame them for wanting to steer clear.  But turn on Madden 12 and everyone can play football, athletic or no.

We often have boys over from Peter's various sports teams ... in between games or practices while they wait to be picked up.  Twelve-year-old boys are not the most communicative beings on the planet, and the drive home can be awkwardly silent, especially after a heart-breaking loss.   Once again, PS3 to the rescue.  Turn on NCAA Football, and within minutes everyone is laughing, teasing, trash-talking, and all is right with the world.

Please hear me:  I am not saying that the kids shouldn't be outside, or playing board games, or reading.  My kids are avid devotees of all three.  (There is a big Risk tournament going on in our dining room as we speak.)  I am saying that I'm glad we have the option of something else sometimes, and under the right supervision and rules, it can be a good thing in the family.  I'm tired of hearing how evil all video games are.  Moderation in all things - just like the TV.

Here's how we keep things under control:  first, we have the PS3 hooked up to our TV downstairs, right in the middle of everything.  (Same place we have our computer, for the same reasons.)  Yes, it does mean we have to endure some noise, BUT it's worth it.  We are able to monitor content and the time spent playing.  If it were upstairs, the kids could be playing for 5 hours straight and we would never know.  Second, we allow video games only on the weekends, or for a rare special occasion like a birthday.  The PS3 can be turned on after school and chores are done on Friday, on Saturday in moderation, and on Sunday after Mass.  (So of course the kids lobby for the earliest Mass possible!)  The only change we make during the summer is that we allow them to play on Tuesdays as well.  Our neighborhood pool is closed on Tuesdays, and it's hot as hell-fire in these parts, so we make the exception.

The Sids of this world emerge from endless hours of playing dark, blow-up-the-known-world gore-fests alone, maybe chatting on-line with who-knows-who.  So we don't allow the earphones, and we buy games that encourage group play ... sports games especially, that allow up to 4 players.  If it's a 2-player game, we aim for broad appeal like all the Lego titles, which are completely cute, by the way.  It goes without saying that we don't allow the trashy ones with the bad ratings.  I don't care how cool it is, I'm not having scantily-clad women or curse words in our family room.  (We had to get rid of a seemingly innocuous Spider Man game because Spidey kept yelling, "This sucks!"   I don't need my incredibly verbal two-year-old learning that lovely phrase yet.)

Put those rules in place and the gaming system just may help family unity.  Better than retreating to all 4 corners of the house hooked up to their iPods all day.

And it's a powerful discipline tool ... you can take away game privileges when behavior is not up to snuff.  Or you can be the coolest mom ever by allowing gaming on a weekday just because.  But not too often.

Sid grows up to be a garbage man in Toy Story 3.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.