IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE ...

A few summers back, my older boys discovered the joys of negative humor.  You gotta be quick, you gotta be clever, and it's just so fun to let those zingers fly.  Trouble is, no matter how much you laugh and know it's a joke, it's not so fun to be on the receiving end.  In fact, if left unchecked, negative humor can be devastating to family relationships.  Tom will freely admit that he is a Master of Sarcasm, and when we first got married, he had to really work hard at being positive.  To this day he still has a hard time accepting compliments, though he has learned to give them out freely.   (To his friends:  if you really want to see your old buddy squirm, start lavishing him with praise!)

So when we saw the boys get going, we knew we had to intervene.  And that's how our Family Virtue of the Month was born.  It was August, I remember, right as another school year was starting.  We declared that all month long, the whole family was going to work on POSITIVE SPEECH.  We were going to give out sincere praise, when deserved.  We were going to remember to say "I love you."  (At least every now and then, when no one else could hear us!) We were not going to complain.  And most of all, we were not going to tear each other down, no matter how seemingly innocuous the teasing was.

We ALL needed reminders of our goal, so I printed out a mini poster with the virtue on it, along with a Bible verse or two.  I framed it and put it right above our kitchen table, so that we'd see it all the time.  And when the kids lapsed, we could gently ask, "Is that positive speech?"

A few other things converged with this project:  with the new school year starting, I wanted to do more with the traditional Catholic monthly dedications ... we all know that May is dedicated to the Blessed Mother, and that October is the month of the Holy Rosary, but how about the rest of them?   So I added that.  And then one of our goals that year was to learn more Bible verses together as a family, so we added that too.  (Saint Jerome reminds us that "Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ," right?)  Finally, on the bottom of the poster, I listed some of the big feast days that I wanted us to remember and celebrate:

We made some strides in curbing our (negative) enthusiasm, so I did another one for September, then October, and then all the rest.  I should add, however, in the interest of full disclosure, that when we reached the end of that first August, one of my sons breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Thank God - now we can all go back to normal."

Well, it's a little dusty, but that picture is still hanging in the kitchen.  Sometimes we forget all about the virtue we're supposed to be mastering.  True confessions: until last week the month read "February," but hey - it was a busy spring!  And we still re-use the original 12 virtues these many years later, because can you really master Forgiveness or Perseverance???  But they do give us something to shoot for, so we'll be continuing with them next school year, once again.  And I'll use them in my junior high school classroom too.

I just printed out new copies, and I'm happy to share them with all of you:  Virtues of the Month

And lest you think we're some kind of super-family with this virtue thing, here is the scene immediately UNDER the picture:

Sigh.  I may have to revise my list to include one on CLEANLINESS.

But in the meantime, here's my unsolicited advice:

1. Print out on glossy photo paper.  Shiny = pretty.  C'mon - use a little of that color ink for once.  (You may have to sign up for MediaFire, but it just takes a second, and it will give you access to my other "teacher-y stuff" like the Prayer Before a Test.  Everything is free.  Free = fun.)
2. Buy a DOCUMENT frame.  It needs to be 8.5x11, not the traditional 8x10.  You can buy one super cheap at Wal Mart, and then paint the frame to make it cute - or distress it with sandpaper, which is what I did.
3. Hang it somewhere prominent so you'll see it frequently.  We McDonalds all love to eat, so the kitchen table works well for us.  Stuff all 12 pages in the frame at once, and just rearrange each month.  Otherwise you will lose them, your coffee will spill all over your desk and ruin them, or your 2 year old will redecorate them.
4. For my teacher friends reading, as always you can enlarge to 11x17 for your classroom and go from there.
5. Don't be like me and say, "That's cool - I'll print them out in August when school starts."  You will FORGET!  Do it now.  You'll feel so organized and virtuous.

P.S.  The only thing missing on the poster are the prayers I picked out to work on each month, but you can add what works in your house.  I wanted to be sure that even my little guys were learning our traditional Catholic prayers - they're so beautiful - so each month we also say a prayer each day as a part of our opening school prayers:  November is always "Eternal rest grant unto them;" September is the St. Michael Prayer; May is the Memorare, etc.

Switching over to July ... dedicated to the Precious Blood of Jesus."What can wash away my sins?  Nothing but the blood of Jesus ..."