IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE ...

A few summers back, my older boys discovered the joys of negative humor.  You gotta be quick, you gotta be clever, and it's just so fun to let those zingers fly.  Trouble is, no matter how much you laugh and know it's a joke, it's not so fun to be on the receiving end.  In fact, if left unchecked, negative humor can be devastating to family relationships.  Tom will freely admit that he is a Master of Sarcasm, and when we first got married, he had to really work hard at being positive.  To this day he still has a hard time accepting compliments, though he has learned to give them out freely.   (To his friends:  if you really want to see your old buddy squirm, start lavishing him with praise!)

So when we saw the boys get going, we knew we had to intervene.  And that's how our Family Virtue of the Month was born.  It was August, I remember, right as another school year was starting.  We declared that all month long, the whole family was going to work on POSITIVE SPEECH.  We were going to give out sincere praise, when deserved.  We were going to remember to say "I love you."  (At least every now and then, when no one else could hear us!) We were not going to complain.  And most of all, we were not going to tear each other down, no matter how seemingly innocuous the teasing was.

We ALL needed reminders of our goal, so I printed out a mini poster with the virtue on it, along with a Bible verse or two.  I framed it and put it right above our kitchen table, so that we'd see it all the time.  And when the kids lapsed, we could gently ask, "Is that positive speech?"

A few other things converged with this project:  with the new school year starting, I wanted to do more with the traditional Catholic monthly dedications ... we all know that May is dedicated to the Blessed Mother, and that October is the month of the Holy Rosary, but how about the rest of them?   So I added that.  And then one of our goals that year was to learn more Bible verses together as a family, so we added that too.  (Saint Jerome reminds us that "Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ," right?)  Finally, on the bottom of the poster, I listed some of the big feast days that I wanted us to remember and celebrate:

We made some strides in curbing our (negative) enthusiasm, so I did another one for September, then October, and then all the rest.  I should add, however, in the interest of full disclosure, that when we reached the end of that first August, one of my sons breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Thank God - now we can all go back to normal."

Well, it's a little dusty, but that picture is still hanging in the kitchen.  Sometimes we forget all about the virtue we're supposed to be mastering.  True confessions: until last week the month read "February," but hey - it was a busy spring!  And we still re-use the original 12 virtues these many years later, because can you really master Forgiveness or Perseverance???  But they do give us something to shoot for, so we'll be continuing with them next school year, once again.  And I'll use them in my junior high school classroom too.

I just printed out new copies, and I'm happy to share them with all of you:  Virtues of the Month

And lest you think we're some kind of super-family with this virtue thing, here is the scene immediately UNDER the picture:

Sigh.  I may have to revise my list to include one on CLEANLINESS.

But in the meantime, here's my unsolicited advice:

1. Print out on glossy photo paper.  Shiny = pretty.  C'mon - use a little of that color ink for once.  (You may have to sign up for MediaFire, but it just takes a second, and it will give you access to my other "teacher-y stuff" like the Prayer Before a Test.  Everything is free.  Free = fun.)
2. Buy a DOCUMENT frame.  It needs to be 8.5x11, not the traditional 8x10.  You can buy one super cheap at Wal Mart, and then paint the frame to make it cute - or distress it with sandpaper, which is what I did.
3. Hang it somewhere prominent so you'll see it frequently.  We McDonalds all love to eat, so the kitchen table works well for us.  Stuff all 12 pages in the frame at once, and just rearrange each month.  Otherwise you will lose them, your coffee will spill all over your desk and ruin them, or your 2 year old will redecorate them.
4. For my teacher friends reading, as always you can enlarge to 11x17 for your classroom and go from there.
5. Don't be like me and say, "That's cool - I'll print them out in August when school starts."  You will FORGET!  Do it now.  You'll feel so organized and virtuous.

P.S.  The only thing missing on the poster are the prayers I picked out to work on each month, but you can add what works in your house.  I wanted to be sure that even my little guys were learning our traditional Catholic prayers - they're so beautiful - so each month we also say a prayer each day as a part of our opening school prayers:  November is always "Eternal rest grant unto them;" September is the St. Michael Prayer; May is the Memorare, etc.

Switching over to July ... dedicated to the Precious Blood of Jesus."What can wash away my sins?  Nothing but the blood of Jesus ..."

"LORD, TEACH US TO PRAY"

Peter's First Communion; at the crypt chapel above Peter's bones, under the main altar of St. Peter's Basilica;  Summer 2008.

The kids will tell you that I avoid going upstairs at all costs.  The kids' bedrooms and bathroom are up there, and let's just say that it's bad for my mental health.  But, when out-of-town company is planning to visit, I steel myself and venture up to make sure their version of "clean" is my version of "company-ready."  Last week when I was shoveling the junk helping them pick up, I ran across some prayer cards that I made years ago for my two older boys.  I was trying to help them get in the habit of praying in the mornings, of offering their day to the Lord.  Since they both love sports, I came up with a sports acronym to make it easy to remember:  Make a G.O.A.L. for Jesus everyday ...

• Good Morning, God.
• Offer your day to the Lord:  "Dear Jesus, I give you today all that I am and do and say."
• Ask for help.  What are your special intentions?
• Listen for His voice.

A little corny, I know, but they were young and I do think it helped them.  We laminated them (of course - I love, love lamination) and they kept them by their beds for several years.  They both freely admit that they don't use the G.O.A.L. method any more, but I know they once did, and I'd like to think that it inspired a little more prayer in their lives.  And I especially hope it opened them up to the idea of LISTENING for direction/inspiration from the Lord.
  

This weekend I'll be making 2 more cards for Emma and John Paul, also sports fans. (Like my other teacher-y things on this blog, I like to print them out on cardstock, mount on scrapbook paper, and then, well -  you know what to do next!  Remember, the shiny contact paper also looks great.)  Feel free to download your own morning prayer cards - there is a basketball and a soccer version.  Each sheet makes three cards.  Emma is requesting a volleyball version, so I may add that soon.

So rediscovering those cards has gotten me to thinking ... how can we encourage a love for Christ in our children?  I pray hard for that daily ... that all my children will come to know, love and serve the Lord.  But what more can we parents DO?  I'd love to hear from all you great families out there.  Let's get this discussion going!  "Lord, teach us (and our children) to pray."

ORDER FROM CHAOS

How NOT to start off a good school day:  walk into our homeschool classroom to see this:

    Or this:

And yes, that IS a severed hand amidst the Latin books, a holdover from our All Saint's party, where one of the boys dressed as St. Isaac Jogues.

I am instantly cranky when this happens and am NOT inspired to teach the good, the true, and definitely NOT the beautiful.  I mean, please look, just look at the carpet:

I've attempted many things over the years to inspire cleanliness, but each year it's gotten a little harder.  We've tried straightening up right before we begin our school prayers in the morning, but all that does is delay our start ... one cleaning project leads to another and another, and we're exhausted before we begin actual lessons.  And not only that, I still start the day by walking into the mess!  So then I tried adding "Tidy up School Room" to our afternoon chore list, and each day a different kid tackled it.  But our afternoons are so crazy ... usually we're barely squeezing our last subject in (or just skipping it altogether - that's why my kids' science test scores stink!) before the mad dash in the minivan to choir, football, soccer, yada yada yada.  Wasn't working.

To add to the mayhem, this year we reached our maximum capacity in the homeschool classroom:  4 students, one teacher, one 2-year old, and a mountain of books.  (And yes, kids, cuz I know you're reading this, much of the mess does come from her.)  But the fact remains that Mom is happier with order around her, and everyone knows that Happy Mom=Happy Students and a Good School Day.  Sooo, instead of nagging and griping, I was inspired to conduct Desk Inspections ... which includes their cubby holes, shelves and the floor around their desks.  If I find their area suitable, they will discover a Super Clean Desk Award on their desktops, along with some kind of prize.  (It doesn't work without the prize, folks, so don't be cheap!)  Might be a pack of gum, or some toy I found on clearance, or most coveted of all, a box of movie theater candy.  (You know, those boxes of Skittles or Sour Patch Kids or Snowcaps that you can get for under a $1 at WalMart)

If their area is a trash heap -- see above -- they get nothing.  Now I'm not saying miracles happened or anything, but I can tell you that all I have to do is mention that there might be a desk inspection sometime soon, and a flurry of frantic cleaning ensues.  I might do one a week, or 3 a week, or wait for a month to go by.  Sometimes they're random, sometimes they're announced, sometimes I just happen to let slip that I got some new candy on clearance ...

I've included a template that so you can make your own.  It works in my homeschool classroom, and I see no reason why it wouldn't work in a regular classroom for cubbyholes or lockers.  I have a set of four that I re-use, just in case I have four winners at once - a very rare occasion because I am picky.  Print out on card stock, laminate, and have fun inspecting.  Results guaranteed.


Your Catholic Teacher's Friend,